Bullying Throughout The Ages

Many parents, frustrated by tales of intimidation, resort to advising their child to hit back at those children who are making their son or daughter's life a misery at school.

Unable to be in the playground to protect their progeny, this can seem the most obvious solution: "Stand up for yourself, don't them let push you around, you only need to do it once and they will leave you alone."

Yet children rarely follow this path if they are bullied, nor is it necessarily successful in the simple terms expressed above. What else can parents do?

Secondary school

Situations which get physical, while perhaps the most serious, are often also the most straightforward to deal with. The boundaries of acceptable behaviour are clear: no-one should be hurt or feel threatened by the violent actions of others in coming to school. 

Once schools are made aware of this, they are usually committed to supporting those who have been subjected to such aggressive behaviour and apply sanctions to the bullies identified.

Other types of bullying are often harder to deal with. Teasing, which is persistent and aimed at humiliation, is verbal harassment and can be a form of bullying. However, teasing or "bagging" is also a way in which many young people, particularly boys, relate to each other, and so it is often hard to decide what is said in fun and what constitutes bullying.

In frustration, parents often tell their kids to "let him have it". Yet by secondary school, many adolescents have been taught that this will be severely punished and do not wish to get into trouble. They are also often not physically aggressive types, and although angry, are very uncomfortable with the idea of getting into a fight.

Other forms of bullying can be even more insidious, but are just as damaging to the victims. Social bullies, often girls, are expert at ostracising those who don't fit in, or with whom they have had a disagreement. The masters of this type of bullying may enlist others to do their dirty work and so are even harder for teachers to catch. 

Passing notes, spreading rumours, giving "greasies" (dirty looks), silent treatment, exclusion from social activities are all part of this type of behaviour. It is very hurtful, often confusing and isolates the victim if it persists. While much of it happens at school, it is also carried on after hours, on the telephone, and these days, on the internet via chat-rooms as well.

Continue to page 2 >