Ryan and Jackie

Ryan has a lot of charm and personality, and can talk his way into just about any job or opportunity going. Currently, he organises professional development training for a large government department. Ryan has been in the position for about 6 months and is starting to think getting involved in something different. Jackie has just taken on a new role in communications for a sports administration organisation. She has worked in journalism and marketing, both in Australia and overseas, and always has lots of ideas about new projects to tackle. She is a popular and friendly employee.

What do Ryan and Jackie have in common? They are both the youngest of three children, with two older siblings. Their place in the family gives them a good deal in common, despite the fact that they do different jobs in different organisations.

Peronality and birth order

Our personality is formed by many influences, which can be summarised under two broad headings: nature and nurture. Nature refers to the genetic inheritance each of us receives from our parents (and their parents….), while nurture represents the environment in which we grow up, and experiences which occur along the way. Family is the most significant of the “nurture” influences, and this includes not only mum and dad, but brothers and sisters as well. The family position we are born into will influence our identity development, how we relate to others, how we view achievement and tackle responsibilities. Therefore, it will have a bearing on work, on friendships, on choosing our partners and on our own parenting.

Some general characteristics of the four general birth order positions

The Oldest Child

The oldest child has the full attention of the parents, at least until another baby comes along. Everything about the first child is special, and this can be even more so when the child is the first grandchild! Parents are generally more anxious about their own parenting the first time around, and can therefore be more anxious about their number one son or daughter. However, the oldest in the family also has higher expectations for success and good behaviour placed upon them. Consequently, oldest children often have a strong sense of responsibility, to the extent that they become perfectionists with a focus on achievement, in whatever sphere is valued by the family. They don't easily ask for help, can tend to be reserved, and are generally reliable – after all, they were expected to be a good example for their brothers or sisters for many years.

The Youngest Child

No matter how many siblings they have, the youngest child in a family has parents who are more relaxed about parenting after learning with the firstborn. Certainly if there are three or more children, parents are often quite relaxed! They don't panic at every cough and cold, and usually are not as uptight about doing everything “right”. They are more tolerant of mistakes, and less fretful about when their youngest walks, talks or reaches other milestones. Consequently, youngest children feel freer to explore their own pursuits, and are less subjected to parental expectations for achievement. The “baby of the family' has never had to deal with a younger child than them, and are less worried by rules and expectations than their siblings. In happy families, youngest children often grow up to be light-hearted and playful types, and have developed the use of charm to get what they want and to compensate for always being the smallest in the family.

The Middle Child

The “middle child syndrome”: what does it really mean? The middle child grows up being neither the oldest nor the youngest, and some have thought that this means they struggle to find their place in the family, and perhaps to work out their own identity. They are both older than one and younger than another, and so share the characteristics of both. However, as modern families shrink, there will be fewer middle children at all. The middle child competes for attention with both the responsible, clever oldest child, and the cutesy, charming baby. Very often, middle children become adept at dealing with different personalities from the experience of being the bridge between the oldest and the youngest. They are good negotiators and mediators, and consequently develop a good capacity to find compromises in their adult relationships.

The Only Child

Only children have suffered from a negative stereotype: lacking any siblings, they have not had to compete for their parents' attention, not have they had to share their world with a new arrival. Their reputation has been one of not being able to relate to their own age group, unable to share and handle the frustrations handed out by their peers. Happily, this picture is not backed up by research. Only children have characteristics of both the oldest and the youngest: they are subjected to the parental anxiety and achievement expectations of firstborns, while simultaneously being the indulged youngest. Some only children withdraw into their own world, to escape from the world of adults. Some become too adult before their time, their play time being shared more often with adults. Independent, high achievers, good verbal skills and a sense of commitment to their parents are all common characteristics of only children.

What does this mean in the workplace?

We develop our first patterns of relationships in the family setting. Next, we take these out and try them in groups outside the family, such as with peers and at school. Finally, our view of ourselves and methods of relating to others will be applied in relationships established at work. This can influence not only the type of work we choose, but how we relate to those in authority, how we relate to our colleagues and even what type of boss we may become. Managers could do well to ponder the birth order position of their team members, and reflect on how to individualise their responses accordingly.

The table below gives a few suggestions for characteristics in the world of work, according to place in the family:

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