Conflict situations can be triggered by factors such as words and delivery, facial expressions, tone of voice, and the way that individuals are confronted.

Have you considered that your behaviour or communication style might at times contribute to conflict?   Quite often people are unaware of how their own behaviour triggers or contributes to conflict.

Here are some methods that help avoid or reduce some of the most common personal conflict triggers.

Be aware of the behaviours that you use that trigger conflict

Though not always easy, it is important to be self aware regarding personal traits that may contribute to or trigger conflict. Perhaps y our behaviour may at times prevent a speedy resolution of conflict.
The ideal time to asses your behaviour is when you are calm and not dealing with conflict. If possible speak to your partner, family members or a trusting work colleague as a means of gaining a critique on your individual “conflict behaviour”. However by asking for this information, you must be prepared to hear feedback that you may not necessarily like or agree with. Remember this exercise will assist you to be more self- aware and will be of great benefit.

Be aware of the behaviours of others

The more aware you are of the behaviour of others the more chance you have of reading their conflict triggers. Having this understanding will assist you in avoiding issues or situations which may be a catalyst to conflict.

Listen to others

At times when emotions are running high the ability to clearly listen can be difficult. However listening not only to the other person's words but also their their body language provides greater opportunities to reach a resolution.

Be assertive not aggressive

Often people have difficulty in expressing their feelings which can allow others to treat or take them for granted. Being assertive is not the same as being aggressive. Assertion takes skill and for some a great deal of courage but it may help to prevent or solve conflict. A lack of assertion may contribute to conflict as others are unaware of what you really think or feel.

Find a conflict outlet

People guru, Robert Bolton believes that to prevent  conflict one must find a way to “dump their bucket of tension”. Bolton says that by utilising physical activity such as sport, it is possible to channel built up tension away.

Find a life balance

Bolton says “by and large, the more we are loved and cared for, the less we need to fight.” He argues that increased emotional support from family and friends can decrease our proneness to unnecessary conflict. While this may not be the case for every person, finding life balance and ways to channel emotion physically or spiritually may give us way to better deal with issues as they arise.

Develop a personal way to deal with conflict and stick to it

Once aware of your self, your body language and behaviour and you have identified areas you wish to change it is time to act. Put in place a personal conflict handling method, try it out and then step back and evaluate it. The Collaborative Problem Solving Approach [pdf] can be a good place to start. It is important to find a way that helps you deal with issues in a more productive and harmonious way. Whatever method you use consider how you feel and how it impacts on your work and relationships. Be patient and keep working at it. 

References:

“People Skills” Robert Bolton: Simon and Schuster, Australia, 1986.