Nicki Arzani works full-time as a computer specialist for an international technology company, commuting to her Brisbane office each day at 8am. She has four children, aged six to 15 and, in between ensuring she fulfils her responsibilities at work and packs her kids off to school well fed and with a clean deck of clothes, Nicki is never too overloaded to teach her family the value of helping others.

On the contrary, small acts of kindness give meaning to Nicki’s hectic schedule. “When I was a girl, I rarely got presents or new clothes,” explains 44-year-old Arzani. “My parents separated and my mother became extremely depressed. We got by, but our circumstances were pretty rough. The only time I got anything new to wear was when our relatives dropped by with some cast-offs, or there was a ‘sale’ at the local opportunity shop. I dreaded Christmas, mainly because I didn’t want my friends to ask me what Santa had bought us.”

“Now, my own kids want for nothing. We live in a renovated, four-bedroom house with two bathrooms and several TVs. A few weeks’ ago the council had its six-monthly hard rubbish collection and we put our junk on the front lawn. My 10-year-old son was disgusted to see an elderly man sifting through it early one morning. ‘What a desperado,’ he said scornfully. He just doesn’t understand what it’s like to not have everything you want.”

Top givers

Says family affairs consultant, Nicolas Keyer: ‘there’s much lip service paid to helping others. Developing the habit of giving requires a conscious, creative effort.”

This does not have to involve the practice of tithing, which means to give 10 per cent of everything you earn to a religious organisation, or charity. As Dr Keyer sees it, there are many ways to help others.

“Giving children the chance to give to others – whether by raking leaves for an elderly neighbour or collecting plastic bottles from the park – is one of the best ways to build a strong sense of self,” says Dr Keyer. “It makes us feel good.”

Christmas and birthdays

Rather than fill yourself with anxiety and dread about what to buy friends, family and work colleagues on those big retail bonanzas called Christmas, birthdays, Mothers’ and Fathers’ Day – why not explore alternative acts of kindness?

In her book Raising Charitable Children, Carol Weisman shares real-life stories collected from all over the world of how parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers, scout leaders, friends, next door neighbors, and her own family have either initiated or supported ways to teach children how to give back to those in need.

In her own family, Weisman and her husband started a family tradition whereby they and their sons (starting when they were just four and six) made a small donation to a program or charity of choice on their birthday. This was not in lieu of a party or gifts but in addition to them. In another section, Weisman talks about a grandmother of three who, when asked what she wanted for her birthday, told her grandchildren to "Do something for someone else, draw a picture of what you did, and then tell me the story.”

Nicki Arzani and her four children made shoe boxes full of toiletries and small toys for families living in poverty overseas. They took it in turns to volunteer at soup kitchens and homeless shelters on the weekend and her youngest daughter, Teresa (9), grew her hair long for a donation to the Leukemia Foundation. Inspired by her ‘locks of love’ project, Teresa’s father, Joseph, joined in the recent Movember global initiative whereby men grow and groom their moustaches throughout November, then shave them off to raise money and awareness for men’s health.

For example, 420 Pricewaterhouse Coopers employees from offices across Australia grew moustaches during Movember, and raised $285,000 for beyond blue, the national depression initiative.

Not just for kids

Whether or not you have children, there are many ways to get going on guilt-free giving.

1. Start talking:

Ask work colleagues how they feel about spending at Christmas, and whether they have found ways to give that don’t involve spending half your salary at a large, suburban shopping complex. Raise the subject with your family at meal times. “You know, we haven’t done a lot in this area as a family but now we’re going to. What are your suggestions?” Start a Dinner Table Foundation, where you sit down as a family and collectively decide where your donation will go. You might kick off the first meeting going through brochures from local area nonprofits, explaining what each of them does. Let family members vote on which organization they would like to support and how much they want to give.

“Habit gets instilled at an early age, and young kids can do a lot,” says Susan Crites Price, author of The Giving Family: Raising Our Children to Help Others. “That doesn’t mean that for teenagers it’s too late, but the earlier they start giving, the more it becomes a habit.”

2. Be flexible:

Giving is not all about sending large donations to a charity. You might bake some bread for the elderly woman living across from you, or keep a bird feeder fill throughout the winter. The emphasis is on why rather than what. You give because you choose to, it is a conscious act and sends the message that you care.

3. Let people decide how:

Some workplaces have charities they support decided by senior management. Others give the decision to employees, by way of a poll. You may think that helping the fight against cancer or sending aid to famine relief tops the list of causes to support. Your five-year-old may want to donate money to the zoo for a new lion enclosure. Giving becomes so much more empowering when the decision about what to give is made by the giver.

4. Make it concrete:

Children may benefit more from actually seeing what they are doing when they donate. Rather than write a cheque or drop coins into a street tin collection, it’s more powerful to collect items for donation, such as tins of food and clothing, and deliver them in person to the charity.

5. Give non-material gifts:

So you have nothing to give? How about your time. Sit with an elderly person, visit someone in hospital or just listen to a friend. “If one of your goals is to be of help to others, you will find the most appropriate ways,” says Richard Carlson, author of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…and it’s all small stuff.
“ Your chances to be of service are endless…the key is to remember that being of service isn’t a one-time effort. A life of service is a lifelong process, a way of thinking about life.”

Workplace Kringle

A common practice for large workplaces is the Kris Kringle, where employees draw the name of another colleague to buy a present for, up to a certain value. While this alleviates the stress of buying presents for multiple people, the motive behind it can be dubious.

“I won’t do it anymore after what I got last year,” says Charlotte Preston, managing director of a sizable print company. “One lousy lotus-shaped crystal from the two dollar shop! It was horrible. We were supposed to buy something for $20.”

This year, one of Charlotte’s colleagues suggested chipping in to jointly sponsor a child through World Vision. With six people in the department, the monthly outlay is $7 per person. “We were all so taken with the idea that we’ve decided to sponsor two kids,” enthuses Charlotte. “And, we are holding our own department Kris Kringle as well!”

For those still committed to conventional gift giving, here are some suggestions to spread your dollar further.

Buy from ethical catalogues:

Charities like Oxfam provide opportunities to buy livestock for communities in developing countries. You could also purchase a pair of Dunlop Volley runners ($29) for caregivers walking long distances in Zimbabwe.
Go to: www.oxfamunwrapped.com.au If you want something more traditional, the Oxfam shop has plenty in the way of jewelry, kitchen wares, music, CDs and musical instruments.

Animal lovers:

Children love the idea of helping animals, so why not adopt an endangered species through the World Wildlife Fund. www.wwf.org.au

Beautiful garments:

Browse the Hunger website – www.thehungersite.com – for a an extensive range of attractive gifts that benefit leading charities.

Environment:

Friends of the Earth and Greenpeace are associated with the Natural Collection catalogue – www.naturalcollection.com – in which all the products are made sustainably.

Workplace Giving Schemes

Workplace giving allows employees to donate money on a regular basis to an organization via regular payroll deductions from employees who have agreed to take part. These donations often go to an organization with Deductible Gift Recipient (DGR) status.

A group with DGR status is a charity or non-profit organization that is entitled to receive tax-deductible donations. Employees benefit when the donation amount is deducted from their gross salary for each pay period before referring to the tax table. They receive the benefit of the tax deduction each pay period, depending on the amount donated.

The arrangement is good for the DGR, which receives donations as a lump sum from each employer, thus reducing administrative costs. Employees get a tax deduction each pay period and have a record from their employer outlining the total donation amount for the financial year.

For more information on DGR groups, contact the Australian Taxation Office – www.ato.gov.au